


(Mis)Adventures in Dating

by legendarytobes



Category: CW Network RPF, Smallville, Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, F/F, F/M, Multi, RPF, real person fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 06:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4380158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendarytobes/pseuds/legendarytobes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dating's hard for anyone, but it's far more complicated for Clark's kids.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Mis)Adventures in Dating

**Author's Note:**

> This all interrelates with a very bizarre little universe I have called Puppyville as well as with crossing into CW RPF as well as the first two seasons only of Supernatural.
> 
> You might want to read "Of all the gin joints..." first here - http://archiveofourown.org/works/2143095
> 
> Basically, Clark has the world's lamest ability that he never talks about (he can shapeshift into a cocker spaniel, go with it) and that's where, in this case, Tom and Dean's problems all started.

**(Mis)Adventures in Dating**

  1. **The Hunter**



Gabby Kent had a huge freaking problem. A massive problem, a problem that was so complicated she desperately wanted to pick her cousin, Junior’s, geekboy noggin for advice. However, there was no way she could talk to him because then he’d tell her aunt and uncle and then Mom and Dad would know. Shit, if Dad knew then he’d kill Dean.

He’d been looking for an excuse to since the first time the other guy had flea-dipped Dad.

So, yeah, if anyone ever knew that she had a crush on Dean then there’d just be a funeral and that was not optimal. Besides, then that mean that Dean would know and he’d never…well, he’d known her Gabby’s whole life.

That was weird, sure, but she was twenty-five now, far from a nun with her life on the road, and things were just different. She’d been hunting with Junior as well as her uncles for the better part of seven years. She wasn’t the same pup she’d been and she wasn’t some gangly teenage girl, either. It just was impossible that anyone would see her that way, especially a certain bottomless bit with a too-close attachment to his car.

This was the state she found herself in as she sat at a booth in the diner across from the rat trap (literal, she could smell it) that her uncles had found for them to stay in. The third slice of cherry pie wasn’t really helping. Nothing was helping. She was stuck, hopelessly crushing on someone (her mom was supposedly an expert at that), and she had no idea to get Dean to see her as more than some kid.

Besides, a smaller, more frustrated part of her, reminded Gabby that she was about the farthest from a human being you could get. Her mom was a Smallville meteor mutant who literally couldn’t be killed, and her dad was an alien from Krypton who tended, well, to sometimes be furry. It wasn’t like she was literally a werewolf. The real ones were nasty bastards and tore through people. They were dangerous as Hell. So, while she was sometimes a wolfhound and Junior a cocker spaniel (no really), she wasn’t some feral beast that tore through people by the light of the full moon. Still, her uncle had spent his whole life and his mom before him hunting things.

She wondered if, as much as Sam and Dean liked both of them, that they sometimes counted her and Junior strictly in the _thing_ category.

“My life sucks.”

“It’ll suck harder if you don’t hurry up and get in the Impala,” Dean said, sitting across from her and stealing her pie. He could have it. She had no appetite anymore. “Gabs, are you okay?”

She sighed. “Yeah, fine.”

“You’ve been sloppy lately, not that it matters too often, but you’re not focused. Even Junior’s noticed and that kid barely notices anything outside of his readouts. What gives? Wait, is this a chick thing?”

She blinked. “Huh?”

Dean flustered and then gestured toward her haphazardly. “You know, girl things? Is it that type of problem?”

“God no, and eww much?” she snapped. “It’s nothing.”

“Thank God, and no that’s not enough. You get distracted, some witch or actual werewolf kills you, and then your parents kill me. Chloe’s already on me to get you to go to actual college.”

“Waste of my time,” she said. “I can do any math I wanted, not that I care, and I’m not into reading. It’s not my thing. Look, Mom’s not going to kill you because I can handle myself. In fact, in case you didn’t notice, I’m both way past grown and one of the ten strongest beings anywhere period. I don’t need you to be some big mother hen!”

Dean snorted. “You want to tamp the heat vision down there, Sparky. I hit a nerve somewhere. You have a bad phone call home? What the fuck is going on?”

She sighed. “Why do you care?”  


“Because it would be awful if you got injured. I’d hate it, and, frankly Gabs, you’re scaring me a little. I’ve never seen you be so upset. So was it the last hunt? You’ve seen Jinn before so what gives? If it’s about the last roadhouse and Gordon Walker’s bullshit, then you shouldn’t worry. It doesn’t matter. You and Junior, you’re special. It’s not about that.”

“Do you mean that?”  


“I’m not here to stroke your ego, Supergirl.”

“No, I’m serious. Do you mean it? That you don’t think of Junior and me like the other kind of werewolf.”

“Why would I? You’re not, not really, and you’ve saved my ass more times than I can count. I get that if hunters knew what you actually were it wouldn’t be good for any of us, but you’re not like that and if they don’t want to see the difference the way they don’t with Sam and the demon mojo, then fuck them.”

Gabs sat a little taller at that. “I’m glad. Sometimes I wasn’t sure.”

“Why would you even think I don’t like you? If I didn’t, I never would have let you start hunting.”

“You didn’t _let_ me. I can do anything I want.”

“You really want to cross Chloe? I sure as Hell wouldn’t.”

She shrugged. “Dad says that too. Mom’s power isn’t even offensive.”

 

“She scares the entire Justice League. It’s just the intensity. So, if you’re not mad about Walker, not that I’d blame you, then what is going on?”  


“I can’t.”

 

“No, you’re going to because this is too much. You need to have the right headspace and I need to know what’s going on, so what is?”

“You won’t like me if I say it,” she said, tone resigned.

“Try me, princess.”

Gabs looked down at her hands and didn’t dare look back to Dean. “I like you.”

“Well I like you too, duh. You’re a better hunting partner than Junior and you fake wounded better. I’ve never fleeced so many people since my ‘dog’ started getting hit at bars. You’re great!”

“I’m glad I’m a great income for you,” she quipped and finally looked up, swiping a bit at her eyes. “I mean I really like you.”

Dean froze and she didn’t know how to read the play of emotions on his face. None of them seemed to be disgust so it wasn’t the alien thing at least. “Gabs, you’re…I’ve known your parents since before you were even born. I don’t…what?”

“Yeah, it was stupid.”

“It’s a crush, Gabs, and it’ll get better. We’ll go to a bar tonight, you’ll find someone to get your itches scratched and it won’t be as weird, okay?”

“Do you like me?”

Dean swallowed hard and she wasn’t supposed to abuse her powers, and she knew that but even she couldn’t help hearing the way his heart pounded in his chest. “You’re my niece.”

“Not literally.”

He stood, jaw clenched and hands shoved deep in his jacket pocket. “It’s a crush, Gabs, and we’ll get you over it now hurry up. We have a hundred miles to cover and not all of us are faster than a speeding bullet, okay?”

She nodded and forced herself not to cry. Hunters didn’t do that.

“If you weren’t scared of Mom and Dad, would you even be interested?” she asked as she followed him out.

He turned and there really was no difference in their heights, not really. She, like all her siblings, had Dad’s height. “But you’re Superman’s little girl and I’m not going to volunteer to be shoved into an Altoids box. It’s a crush.”

“Yeah, that’s what it is,” she said, rushing back to her room, as fast as she could without blowing her cover. Gabby wasn’t stupid and she knew how her weird, screwy biology worked by now. This was more than a crush, and it probably always would be.

**

 

  1. **The Reporter**



Moira laughed as her girlfriend kissed her neck. Curling up closer into her arms, Moira closed her eyes and tried to turn off her powerful ears. There were so many sounds in the city, and she’d never quite gotten used to it, not the way she’d always loved the farm. There were sounds there that she understood, sounds that felt like home, and the comforting chirps of the crickets over top of that. Even with seven years in the city, including college, Metropolis wasn’t quite like that. There was always a siren or a scream somewhere.

She wasn’t like her parents or her brother or even some of her cousins. Superheroing wasn’t really her deal, but sometimes she’d hear a shout at three a.m. and feel like it should be. Maybe someday but she wasn’t there yet.

“You have a thousand yard stare,” Sara said, her curtain a long dark hair falling over her face and across Moira’s shoulders.

“Just thinking,” she said.

“Does ‘just thinking’ involve maybe thinking about me getting to meet your family?”

Moira stilled. “Huh?”

“Come on, we’ve been dating for a year. You don’t think it’s a little odd I haven’t met your parents.”  


“You know my parents. I think you bumped into them in the elevator once.”

“We’re on the fifth floor and they’re the star reporters. I think I’ve seen them like three times and been all weird and bumbling.”

“Funny you should mention that but Dad specializes in bumbling,” she riposted.

“Moira, look at me.”

She sighed and rolled over to look into chocolate brown eyes that made her heart flutter. “What?”

“Are you ashamed of me? Like, is this a phase?”

She swallowed hard, and it wasn’t like that Moira couldn’t understand that. She hadn’t dated much period till after college and the few she had were more often guys than girls. It was just everything with Sara had been intense so fast, that she was very happy with it. She just didn’t want her parents to know that Sara was more than her byline partner for city hall crap. It wasn’t about the gender as much as the profession. Her mom and dad weren’t very big on any of them dating certain types of people. Anyone military or government went without saying but they weren’t thrilled with reporters or scientists either. It had never really come up yet for any of them since Gabby was a love ‘em and leave ‘em type, Kyla was a nun (not literally), and Jack-Jack had been practically mated to Emma since they were puppies. None of  them had ever thought of bringing someone from the dreaded list of no home yet.

It wasn’t like Moira had set out to fall for a reporter (although both Aunt Kara and Dad were huge hypocrites considering her mom and Uncle Jimmy), but she pretty much only hung out with them so the risk she’d run was going to be pretty high.

Well, could be worse. She could be her cousin Alura and then her parents really would have had heart attacks, impossibly good immunity or not.

Still, she didn’t want to bring Sara home because then she’d get a lecture. Besides, there were questions her girlfriend had already started asking that Moira had no answers for. She wasn’t even sure it would last. Reporters noticed an awful lot after all.

Okay, so maybe not the ones near Dad who were so dumb that glasses hid the Superman thing, but otherwise, yeah.

“You froze up there,” Sara said, her tone hard.

“It’s complicated.”  


“So this is temporary, huh?”

Moira sighed and kissed her. “Maybe, I mean, I don’t want it to be but I’m scared it is because of me and not you at all. It’s hard to explain and, besides, I know this makes no sense, but Mom and Dad don’t like reporters. I mean, outside of Uncle Perry and Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Lois. They sort of make exceptions.”

“That makes no sense, you’re right,” Sara started and then she frowned. “Unless…”

“What?”

“Look, I see things but I don’t say anything about them because it freaks you out, but you clearly have a network of sources no one else in the damn city has and you won’t give a girl a hint. You have an almost preternatural eye for finding the right clues in plain sight and you have that weird rule.”  


“What weird rule?”

“You always have like one night a month where I can’t see you or, Hell, you don’t even come to work. Once a month like damn clockwork neither you nor your dad show up. What gives there?”

“You’ve been checking our work schedules?” Moira asked, not shocked, just frustrated. Her parents were probably dying to give her an “I told you so” on this.

“I just noticed and it’s just…there are things that don’t completely make sense but you’re from Smallville so I let it slide.”

Moira sat up then and crossed her arms over her breasts. “Now that’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

Sara sighed. “It’s your mom’s original theory, right? The people there who do things? I just assumed you did something, not that I’m sure what it is, but I think it involves superior senses, but I’m not sure what else. I mean is that why I can’t meet your mom and dad up close? Do they do stuff too?”

“No one does anything,” Moira huffed. “It’s just they don’t like other reporters and, you know what, I can’t even believe you’re accusing me of being weird! I’m going to sleep on the couch.” Grabbing her pillow, she rushed out to the couch, slipping onto it and sighing when Rufus, her girlfriend’s Scottie curled up at her feet.

He liked her better than he liked Sara.

Of course he did, it went with the territory

**

“You’re sad,” Rufus said, licking his muzzle.

“Sara left already, huh?” Moira asked.

“She was super loud and stomped out of here with the shiny ball. So, yeah, but she fed me but I could always get a second breakfast.”

Moira shook her head as she sped into her clothes. She’d overslept and, even with her speed, might end up late. “No, I can’t do that. You ask every day and since you realized I can speak dog you’ve gained like five pounds!”

“But you love me!”

“I am not giving you a doggie heart attack,” she corrected.

“Why’d you fight?”

“I wouldn’t call it that.”

“You slept on the couch and she left very early.”

“Okay, it was a tense discussion,” Moira conceded, tucking in her blouse.

“Is this because you smell funny and do special things?”

“First of all, I smell fine. I just don’t smell like anything on Earth but my siblings. That’s all.”

“But you smell like a dog but you’re not. Wait are you?”

Moira blushed. “Well, define ‘dog.’”

“Is this a people thing I’m not gonna get?” he asked quirking his head at her.

“No, it’s a Kryptonian thing no one freaking gets,” she huffed. “I…okay so I might be sort of part wolfhound.”  


“You don’t have a tail,” he pointed out, which, to be fair was reasonable.

Moira stared at the clock and shrugged. She was late now either way, screw it. It wasn’t like Uncle Perry was gonna let her get fired. “Well I do sometimes, but most people don’t know about it. I mean, yeah, dogs know that I smell funny and that I’m kind of like them, but it’s not something people get a lot.”

She sighed and slipped back out of her clothes---things got less tangled that way---and shifted for him. There was the usual eruption of fur, crunch of bone, and stretching of skin, and when she was ton, a very large blue-eyed wolfhound was left staring down at the Scottie.

Rufus sniffed her throat and yipped happily! “You’re really neat. Backwards, but neat. What kind of dog is a person most of the time?”

She rolled her eyes and changed back and then slipped her suit back on. “I don’t know. It’s Dad’s deal, and I just live with it. I have no idea how this is supposed to make sense. I just…humans don’t always understand things.”

The Scottie licked his snout. “They’re high strung but you’re pretty neat. I bet Sara would like it. She likes me!”

Moira chuckled and patted his back. “She doesn’t have to sleep with you. I’m not sure I can tell her. I mean, what if she writes me up for the Planet!”

“The what?”

“The papers we make all day, silly.”  


“She probably wouldn’t. She loves you a lot. When you’re not here, she doesn’t sleep as well.”

She brightened at that. “Really?”

“Dog’s honor, now go make more papers,” he ruffed.

And she was off.

**

Monday was a decent day, but the next three kind of sucked. Sara asked her very plainly not to come over and then started avoiding her at lunch or even talking to her except for stories. By Thursday, Moira was really worried.

“Hey,” she said, hopping onto an elevator from the twentieth floor conference room with her. Now they had at least three minutes to talk. See Sara avoid that! “What’s going on?”

Sara jumped a little and scooted the five feet to the corner of the elevator. Like that made her feel less shitty. “Nothing has to be up.”  


“Okay, so I know you’re mad about the meet the parents thing but do you want to do a movie at my place? Kyla’s gonna be out in Granville so it’s nice and private.”

Sara hesitated. “I…let’s do my place because I think we need to talk.”

“Me too! That’s what I’ve been trying to do for three days.”  


“No, a lot, and super privately.”

“Why?”

“You know why,” Sara said, hurrying out the door before Moira could ask any more questions.

_Shit, how does she know?_

**

She was happy to see Rufus at least. There was one friendly face in the building. She gave him an extra long ear scratch at the door and felt like she was under a damn microscope as Sara watched. Shrugging, Moira pulled two dog biscuits from her purse and handed Rufus both. Fuck it. If they were breaking up, then Rufus could be extra spoiled for once.

“Well,” Sara said, her voice tight. “Now I know why Rufus is so charmed by you.”

Moira gulped and sat down on the sofa. “I don’t know what you mean. I’m just really good with dogs. My aunt’s a vet and I know all the tricks.”

Sara shook her head and flipped her laptop to her. “Rufus used to have crappy dog walkers so I have a nanny cam here for when the walker comes over mid day to make sure she actually comes and is nice to him. I caught quite the floor show on Monday night when I came home, didn’t I?” Moira said nothing but felt her cheeks heat up as she watched her shift. When it was done, Sara pushed the laptop back to the center of the table and crossed her arms over her chest. “So you are a ‘special,’ huh?”

“Not completely,” she admitted. The Kryptonian secrets weren’t hers to give, and she wasn’t ready to do so. “I mean, yes, I have an ability because of the shower but I wouldn’t call myself a ‘special.’ It’s not a very nice term. I mean, it’s better than ‘meteor freak’ but not much.”

“I just…what do you want me to do with this, Moira?”

“Can you delete the file? That’d help.”

“Of course, and I get that no one should know. Is it from your mom or dad?”

Moira sighed. “It doesn’t really matter, does it?”

“Maybe it does, at least a little.”

She sighed. “It’s from somewhere in my heritage and that’s all you need to know, and now you can see and me too why reporters aren’t good partners for people like us. I just…I really do like you and I’m the one that fucked up. Do you mind?”

“I don’t know,” Sara replied honestly. “Is it wrong my first thought is ‘Thank God I’m gay and you’d never ask me to have your puppies?’”

Moira’s head snapped back like she’d been slapped. “Yeah, it’s a real problem. That’s mean, and, frankly, I couldn’t even change until I was six.”

She was distinctly not going to mention the way Jack-Jack or her cousin Alura were born because that would make Sara panic more.

“I just, Jesus, Moira what did you think I was going to say?”

She sighed and gathered up her purse. Walking to the door, she gave Rufus an ear scratch, and then she hugged him tight. “I don’t know, but this was not in the top five reactions. I mean, I expect humans to freak out, but not be so damn rude about it. I just…I like being what I am and I’m actually pretty damn proud of it.” She sighed and stood up again and looked Sara directly in the eyes. “You know that all dogs know? They can smell it on me.”

“I figured that out.”

“They’ve never been mean to me, not a one. Humans? They’re the ones who react crappily so maybe it’s not so bad you know, saves me a lot of hassle.”

“Moira, I’m sorry. I care about you.”  


She sighed and nodded to the computer. “It’s the wolfhound you hate. Well, I’m both so you take my abilities or you leave them, but if you can’t handle them then you can’t handle me.”

“I’m sorry.”

Moira blinked back her tears. “Me too,” and with that, despite Rufus’s protests, she slammed the door behind her and sped home to the farm.

**

  1. **The Oddball**



“Uncle Kal, you have to help me,” Alura said.

Clark frowned and patted her shoulder. She’d grabbed his hand and dragged him up to the girls’ old bedroom to talk to him privately. He wasn’t used to that much urgency at a family gathering. Usually, those who weren’t off world (Hitch and Hancock had a League job in Vega System currently) or in another dimension (Tom was filming something so he was out) would just come once every six to eight weeks for a run. It kept their odd little family together and, frankly, even those who couldn’t change into something more, ahem, furry got a kick out of watching the rest.

Lex practically offered to have the whole damn thing catered, it fascinated him so much.

So being dragged up here by his slight niece who looked like she wanted to cry was not something he’d been expecting.

“Alura, are you okay?”

She nodded. “Oh work’s great and I’m healthy, but I just…I have to talk to you.”

“Is this about your boyfriend?”

“Who told?”

He frowned because her reaction was so panicked you’d have thought she was dating someone from the Legion of Doom. She wasn’t was she? That wasn’t really a Kent-Olsen family tradition. Even if he and Lana had been a thing once and she was, uh, pretty scary now. “No one said who he was. I just heard Junior and Kyla talking about it a little. It’s nice. I mean if someone makes you happy, that’s great.”

“Does Dad know?”

“I think Jimmy suspects you’ve been seeing someone, yeah.”  


“Okay, cause, well Uncle Kal I need you to help me here.”

“How?”

“Well my boyfriend, he works for the Second District Firehouse in Metropolis.”

Clark brightened at that. “They’re a great team. I’ve had them come to the scene on a ton of rescues. They’re really nice guys. So which one?”

Alura blushed and looked down at her hands. He was pretty sure he wasn’t imaging the fur already sprouting over her face. “Thor.”

Clark’s jaw hung open. He knew _everyone_ at that firehouse, and he knew Thor pretty well. He wasn’t a bad conversationalist for a Dalmatian and was extremely brave. He’d seen the dog jump into more than one burning building to save a kid. But he had to have heard her wrong. That didn’t even make sense.

“The mascot?”

“He saves lives! He’s a very highly trained fire and rescue dog.”

Clark cursed under his breath and grabbed his niece’s hands. “Honey, you have to explain this really slowly to me because I think I’m having some weird hallucination right now. What did you say?”

Alura sniffed and rubbed at her eyes. “I, well, I date dogs. Kyla says I like a dog in uniform. I’ve dated bomb sniffers and K9 unit guys in the past. Thor’s the most serious.”

Clark laughed because that was the only other answer to any of this. He wasn’t hallucinating and his niece couldn’t be like _that_ so the only logical answer was that she was pulling his leg. “You really had me going.”

Alura started to cry, and the Clark felt both panicked and awful. Chloe was so much better at dealing with crying girls. Jimmy, too. He always felt like he was flailing. “I’m serious, Uncle Kal.”

“Shh,” he said, gathering her in his arms and rocking her. “Okay, Aunt Chloe always says you start a story from the beginning. So, tell me, why do you, uh, date special guys?”

“I just do. I don’t know. It’s the same way I like to compete in shows or like running so much. Maybe I’m just different than everyone else but I sort of…I love my job but being human is something I do to pass the time. It’s not who I am.”

“Technically,” he said, kissing her temple. “You’re Kryptonianish.”

“And part meta with Dad sure, but I _feel_ more like a dog and I like dogs better. You have to understand.”

He frowned and pulled away from her. “Why do you think that?”

“Because Mom says once you had this plan to just never shift back period and you dragged it out for over two weeks. I’ve had days like that where being Alura Olsen is just so confusing and difficult and it’d be easier to just be the Cocker. I thought that’s why.”

He sighed and looked down into wide blue eyes. “I was running away. Aunt Chloe and I were having problems, and I was just trying to hide. I don’t…okay some instincts with tennis balls and weird imprinting aside…I’m not a dog and I don’t feel like one. Jack-Jack never said anything about feeling that way either and I just…honey, we’re not dogs.”

“We’re not humans either. I want to pick is all, and I picked the furry side and Thor, and he’s so sweet, Uncle Kal and you know him so you know he’s really heroic and smart.”

He sighed. “That’s true but your dad and mom are not going to get it. Alura, I don’t mean to be rude, but I barely get it.”

“But you do?”

Clark stood and paced a little. “I get that I had no idea what was happening to me when all this started. I get that I always had instincts from the day I met Aunt Chloe that I had no hope of explaining. I get there’s something else in my head sometimes, especially on a ‘puppy day,’ but I don’t get going that far to feral, not when it’s about love I guess.”

“I know,” she said. “I feel about him the way you feel about Aunt Chloe or Mom and Dad feel about each other.”

“I…oh man.”

“You’re supposed to be a better listener! Mom’s terrible at it.”

He stopped pacing and nodded. “That’s true, but honey, you’re not a dog.”

“I’m not a human and I’m not a Kryptonian either. I’m kind of a big messy mishmash and this is what makes me happy. Can’t you get that?”

“I can but, throw me a bone here.” He grimaced at the poorly chosen phrase. “I mean,  you can see how it’s weird, right? It’s not like I sit down and watch Westminster and think ‘ooh cute.’” He blanched. “Wait, you don’t do you?” She blushed, and Clark desperately wanted to be anywhere else. Where was Metallo when you needed him? “Okay, I’m trying to understand, sweetie, I am, but maybe we shouldn’t tell your parents yet, okay?”

“Why?”  


_Because Kara’s going to have a coronary_.

“Just because. Let’s keep this with me and you and Aunt Chloe, alright?”

“Thor says if I don’t tell Mom and Dad we’re done.”

“Tell him I’m easing them into it. Have him over here next week if you can get permission and we’ll, uh, talk,” he said, hugging her. “I don’t get it but I’ll try, okay?”

“Thanks, but don’t you ever feel the furthest thing from human?”

He sighed and nodded. There were parts of him he never allowed himself to think about, instincts and territoriality and things that weren’t as off the beaten path as Alura, but he got some of that struggle. He gave her one more hug. “We’ll figure it out, okay? Let’s be honest, how weird can any of us be anyway? We sort of swept that lottery long ago.”

Even if maybe she was leading that pack.

**

  1. **The Mastermind**



“I’m not sure I’m interested,” Lena said, pushing her dark brown hair out of her eyes. It was long and sleek like her mother’s, and, though she liked her father very much, she was glad she wasn’t as bald as he was. Lana Lang was awful and, frankly, an incompetent supervillain, but she was pretty. Her father had good taste in looks if not talent. “It’s not that I’m not flattered.”

Superboy-Prime (even she would have to break out a flowchart for understanding which universe it was he was from again) shook his head. “I really think we have a future as a power couple. Look, I have none of Clark’s weaknesses and did I mention I can punch through time and space?”

She shrugged. “Most of the litter and brood have enhanced immunities to things, and, frankly, I’ve gone through this with Emma before. When I rule the world, I’m doing it solo. I mean, I appreciate an offer from a fellow Legion of Doom member. Don’t take this the wrong way,” she added, licking her lips. “You’re quite attractive. Dad’s going to be so jealous over this.”

“Huh?”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh Father’s been in love with Clark for years. It’s so screamingly obvious. Anyway, the point is that I don’t share. I don’t care how much you have to bring to the roster, I’m really a solo venture when the time comes. However, I wish you luck back in your universe or, whatever, and if you ever want some fun, well, I’m _not_ above that. But power couple? Dream on. Luthors don’t share.”

He stood up and stormed out of the penthouse. Lena shrugged and went back to her calculations. She was working on something with the ability to stop time and she was getting really close to breaking the quantum flux and then her damn phone rang.

“Hey,” Emma said on the other line. “How’d the date go?”  


“It was a business proposal, really Em. You know how I feel about sharing.”

“Well if you’d share with me you only split like the nine ways.”

“No, and I don’t want fifty percent of Earth either.”

“Fair enough as long as when the coup happens you let me get dogkind on top where it belongs.”

Lena chuckled. The universe was smart and fate worked out probably the way it was supposed to. If Emma had ever gotten anything in the transference that was truly dangerous, she’d have staged her coup by now. Lena wasn’t overly interested in that either but Em was her best friend and, sure, it wouldn’t hurt to let her have some concessions after Lena ruled the world. After all, she’d been so kind to support her over the years. A good right hand was fine, a partner? Not so much.

“You’ll be the first person I call when the overthrow happens, you know that. Now when are you and the mini-litter coming over for a checkup?”

**

  1. **The Star-crossed Lovers**



Kyla stretched and yawned then curled up closer against the black panther next to her. She’d gone for a long run out on Kawatche lands with him last night, and she was exhausted. While Felix was fast, he wasn’t quite Kryptonian fast, but chase and then a deer hunt had been more than exciting for both of them. The sun was rising now and the first rays were hitting her, giving her the energy she always craved. Felix blinked awake next to her and nuzzled her neck.

She let out a low snort and shifted back. The naked thing, well, she was more than used to that by now and had been even as a teenager. She’d had more than one Kawatche boyfriend and their rules on clothes had always been lax. It was kind of a hindrance for shifters. Her father had never quite adapted to that casualness and she got that. Still, she’d been seeing Felix seriously for a month or two and it just was what it was. Kyla watched, curious, as he changed as well. The alterations in his bones were similar but it was still different to watch, slower than she and her siblings, just different but no less hypnotic.

“So, we go get our stuff in the caves and who buys breakfast?” she said, leaning up and kissing him.

“I think I will,” he said. “I’ll definitely do it on one condition.”

“Which is?”

“My grandmother Aziz wants to meet you.”

Kyla stilled but remained gripping his hand tightly. “She does?”

“Yes, I told her I met a wonderful girl and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”  


“We’ve been dating each other two months there, Casanova.”  
  
“And I’ve known you for almost a year. I’m serious. I want you to meet my family. I mean, she practically raised me since I was a kitten.”

Kyla frowned. “Wait so are you like Jack-Jack?”

“Figure of speech. We can’t change until puberty. It’s a long, boring wait.”

“Ugh, that would suck. I hated waiting to be six.”

“You’re on the accelerated Kryptonian track. Besides, what’s the big deal? I’ve met your extended family _and_ even Superman and he didn’t kill me for dating you.”

“Daddy wouldn’t.”

“Your mom might have lectured me to death.”  


“Mom would do that,” she chirped. “I know but, let’s be honest, meeting your brother? Not the best thing, and can your grandma change?”

“Yes, where do you think I got it from?”

Kyla swallowed and tried to keep her heart from beating so frantically. “So she’s a cat too?”

“Yes, that’s sort of how it works. You can’t be scared, can you?”

“Well, her claws are magic so they can cut me and Farzad hated me.”

“He’s doing better with treatment. He hasn’t even wanted to hunt stray pets lately.”

“I just… _cats_ , I hate cats.”

“Should I be offended,” he asked, his eyes wide and serious.

She sighed as they made their way into the caves. “It’s not that, exactly. It’s just that I have this massive feline-o-phobia. I might have made an exception for you because your special but cats scare the Hell out of me and giant magical cats that can kill me? They really scare me!”

Felix’s jaw clenched and he dropped her hand. “I’m glad you can make an exception for me, but my grandma is really important. She raised me and she wouldn’t hurt anyone. She won’t even change. It’ll be boringly normal with Grammy’s best tea and food. It’s not like you have to hang out with a ton of cats. We don’t live in packs anyway. You know, I should be the one who’s intimidated. If I’m not hanging out with a whole pack of Kryptonians, then I have to deal with the Kawatche skinwalkers. _I’m_ the outnumbered guy!”

She rolled her eyes as she reached for her jeans. “I know but it’s cats. They’re scary and cannot be trusted.”

“You trust me.”

“But you’re the only one. I love you and you take good care of me, but it’s _cats_!”

“It’s my family. Like I said, if I can push my instincts away and deal with a huge pack of nigh invulnerable alien werewolves.”

“Kryptonian, I really prefer if you just say that.”

“Anyway, if I can do that, you can have stew and pie with Grammy.”

She bit her lip. “Can I think about it?”

“Yes, but if you think too long and, as awesome as you are, we might not be dating anymore.”

**

“Mom, were you ever intimidated by Dad’s heritage?” Kyla asked. After the disaster of the morning, she’d driven Felix back to the farm and he’d grabbed his car and headed back to the city. Breakfast officially skipped. So instead she was having cereal and tea with her mom. Dad was often in Gotham and, really, did Arkham actually hold _anything_ in? And it was a rare moment of quiet on Kent Farm. “I mean, I know they’re all gone but the Fortress kind of sucks.”

Her mom sighed and pushed her bangs out of her eyes. “Jor-El and I don’t get along. He tried to freeze me the first time I blundered into the Fortress. Then your father’s uncle was, uh, let’s say the cloned version wasn’t very stable and tried to block out the sun. I have some experience with the El side and I’m not really a fan.”

“But did it scare you? Like did the Kryptonian stuff make you maybe not want to be with Dad?”

Her mom frowned and drained her coffee. Well, she wouldn’t be Chloe Sullivan if she wasn’t at least three cups in by nine. “No, not ever. I was already so in love with him, and that’s embarrassing, but it’s true. I couldn’t think of my life without him. I was going to work around Jor-El’s edicts and everything else. Why do you ask?”

“Felix wants me to meet his grandmother.”

“So?”

“Well, she’s a cat too and cats scare me.”

“Can I ask why?”

“I don’t know! Why is Uncle Sam afraid of clowns or Dad scared of heights for so long? It doesn’t have to be rational. It just is, and it scares me. I mean, Felix I can make an exception for, but the whole cat thing freaks me out.”

Her mom sighed. “It’s not about an exception, sweetie. I love what your Dad loves about his people and I love all of him and it’s not ‘an exception’ or ‘in spite of.’ That’s conditional. Do you get the difference?”

Kyla nodded. “Yeah, Felix basically blessed me out over that.”

“Exactly, so either you love him, and really love _all_ of him, even the cat part, and, frankly, that’s no more than you’ve asked with the Kryptonian side. Or…”

“Or?”

“You don’t really love him and wished you did. That’s not enough and it won’t last. You need to decide if you can because, yes, Jor-El’s a scary ass and the Phantom Zone is nothing but trouble, but I love everything about your father, all his crazy aliases from Sherlock Sullivan on up to Superman. If you can’t say that about Felix, you have to let him go.”

**

“Can I come in?” she asked, knocking on his bedroom door. Technically they shared the same apartment with a very normal roommate. That was how they’d been forced together, cheap rent beat moving out over species differences. Still, she usually barged on in but after the mess she’d made yesterday, Kyla wanted to be polite.

Felix hesitated and she activated her X-Ray vision. “I can see you, you know. I know you’re there so come on and let’s talk, please.”

“Fucking Kryptonians,” he said, standing up and coming to the door. Felix opened it wide, but he still stood at the doorway, blocking her entrance. “What’s up, princess?”  


“I came to apologize. I was a real asshole.”

“No, you were honest. I thought we meant more to each other but if I’m just ‘an exception’ then go and date all the damn skinwalkers or aliens or Justice League or whatever you want.”  


Kyla flinched at his tone. “Technically, really Hitch and Hancock do that. I don’t know many of the Titans or League personally outside of my family.”

“You know what I mean. Kyla, I really like you and I really like your whole nutty family, but if you don’t feel the same way…”  


She reached over and kissed him, pulling him tightly to her and maybe, just a little, using a bit more strength than she had to. Felix kissed her back but still pulled away. “I’m sorry. I really am. I have this pathological fear of cats and I have had it since I was a toddler and I get it’s mostly irrational and after Farzad and how bad the scratches were…they _hurt_ and it was like my worst nightmare and I know your Grammy is nice because you’re awesome. I just…I _don’t_ like being scared of things. It’s kind of new territory for me.”

Felix sighed and kissed her cheek. “But you could learn, right? Grammy won’t be anything but normal and we won’t even make you meet the gang.”

“The gang?”

‘Like your Dad’s barn is unique. We have a lot of cats. Grammy like one of those cat ladies, but she’s going to keep them in the basement just for you so you don’t freak out. I just…if you don’t want to deal with cats let me know and we’ll get off the ramp, alright? I’ll still even hang out with you and collaborate on research.”

She sighed and hugged him tight, burying her nose in the nape of his neck. His smell was awful, but she loved him anyway. Maybe she had since the moment he’d helped save her life in Central Park. Kyla wasn’t sure. All she did know is she was gone on him, cat or not, and maybe she did love him more because of it. Because she’d never had a better run or met someone as powerful or alluring as he was.

“Deal and tell her not to lock them up.”

“We’ll start small on the exposure therapy, princess,” he said kissing her again.

“Good because I do love you and I don’t want to make exceptions, just go easy on me, didn’t you know? Kryptonians are a high strung breed.”

He laughed as they made their way to his bed. “Oh, I’m aware.”

**

 

  1. **The Old-and-Marrieds**



“No Jonathan, never again,” Emma groused.

 She tried to roll over onto her side but she couldn’t even do that. She was at close to six months, had a wedding to waddle through in under two weeks, and was tired, bloated, and always crushing everything. Why she ever thought she wanted superstrength before, Emma didn’t know. Ruining everything she touched sucked, and the whole heat vision problem wasn’t much better.

In short, she was a pregnant mess with a very busy and annoying litter inside and the last thing she wanted was sex.

That made quads and Emma was never doing this again.

 ** _Ever ever_**.

“I’m sorry,” he said and that was the thing about her fiancé.

He was just so damn earnest. It was totally an Uncle Clark thing. He was just so nice. It’s not like he was trying to do much at all, just kiss her, but she felt so tired and awful. Sighing, he reached over and rubbed the small of her back. Hands that could rend steel and often beat the crap out of the worst bad guys in several galaxies were tempered to be so delicate. Even if Emma was a big, tired, pregnant mess, she also knew she was the luckiest bitch in the world to have him with her.

“It’s not that. I’m just tired. You aunt says I only have a month top as big as I am and we just get through this and the wedding and I might get rest.”

“I don’t know about that. Mom and Dad were run pretty ragged with us.”

“Well, maybe four in a nesting box are quieter,” Emma said quietly.

Jonathan blanched, and looked away. “I’m, uh, really sorry about that.”

Emma shrugged. “Why?”

“Really? You really need to ask me that?” he said, and now he was looking at anything but her.

Emma patted his hand and kissed his cheek. “Again, no frisky business, mister. I’m a mess.”

“You’re a beautiful mess,” he corrected. “It’s just this is fucked up, Em.”

“Nah, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s super fucked up and it’s a lot and your Dad is going to find out.”

She considered that. It wasn’t like Mom didn’t know. She was really good at convincing her dad things were great ideas. Hell, Emma wouldn’t even exist if her dad hadn’t been talked into the benefits of interdimensional pen pals. Thus, after the mini-litter was born, Mom would be great at explaining to Dad why this was fine and lovely and total miracle of life stuff. That or they could just hide out for a year over the rainbow where Jonathan was actually from and hope her dad might not notice.

That plan seemed less likely though, even Emma had to admit that.

“Well, maybe we don’t have to tell him right away.”

Jonathan narrowed his eyes at her and they weren’t red were they? “You told me that four months ago when Aunt Kara figured out they’re all like me. Then you wanted to put it off until after the wedding, which, granted is a good idea because our parents have to interact a lot to pull this off and I don’t think your dad could stop from killing my dad if we didn’t keep things hush-hush.”

“Dad’s all for show. It’s not like we’re dangerous,” she said. “All my best powers are borrowed for the next month and then poof!”

“That’s not the point. You owe it to your dad to let him know before the big day because if you don’t, he’ll have a heart attack or possibly a break down.”

She frowned at that. “Sometimes Dad says he had a breakdown already. That he’s just completely crackers in some asylum somewhere cause ten years of this bullshit onset broke him.”

 

“I’m real,” Jonathan said and proved it by kissing her neck. The cur. “My point is you can’t just keep lying and I know you and your mom have talked about just hiding them and you can’t do that. It’s impossible and stupid and wrong and it makes me feel like you’re ashamed of me.”

“I’m not. I’m not much more normal than are, I’m just saying that Dad’s delicate and if he didn’t see mini-litter for the first year, would he really miss that much.”

Jonathan rolled over onto his side and let out a breath strong enough to blow out all the candles in their room (Yeah, like that would convince her it was sexy times). “You don’t tell him after the wedding and I _will_ , Emma.”

**

“You know, fittings kind of suck six months in,” she said, leaning back on the sofa.

Her mom and Aunt Chloe exchanged a look that Emma couldn’t quite read. She was hoping it wasn’t some mom code for her kind of being a lot irresponsible. She wasn’t slutty. Jonathan had been the only one her whole life practically. Kryptonians were a lot more like wolves than their fluffy curls or wolfhound leanings would make you think. Totally a gone on someone for life deal. Hell, Jonathan needed her once a month or he couldn’t change back.

No, not like that.

On the other paw, don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.

She wasn’t quite made that way, but she’d always liked him so she was extremely happy. It wasn’t their fault super whatever just made him really virile. Still, it blew going to fittings and having them keep letting it out (thanks Aunt Kris for covering all the alterations) because the quads just kept getting bigger. Emma couldn’t even remember what her feet looked like now. She was pretty sure they were still there, but not one hundred percent.

“It’s only a week longer and you look nice,” her mom offered.

“You have to say that. Aunt Chloe do I look fat?”

“You’re serious?” her aunt said, smirking a little. “Look you can flash fry me right now so in the interest of not testing my powers, I’m going to say you look very nice, but, sweetie, people are gonna notice you’re with child.”

“Four of them even,” her mom added helpfully.

“Ugh, and I’m gonna hate the pictures aren’t I?”

“Well the League knows because Jack-Jack asked for time off and the extended family’s been excited forever. It’s not like anyone’s going to be surprised,” Aunt Chloe defended. “You’re going to be very pretty and then you’re going to be back off your feet. No having your kids at the ceremony.”

‘That’s not a thing that could happen is it?” she asked, her eyes wide.

“Dr. Kara doesn’t think so, exactly,” her mom hedged. “She just said you should keep off your feet as much as possible and eventually everything will go back to normal.”

“Sliding scale,” Aunt Chloe said. “Would you like a snack, Emma? I was hungry all the time with the litter.”

She blushed. “Do we have squid?”

Her aunt chuckled. “You want to show me to a place I can get some, Al?”

“Sure,” her mom said, handing her the portable phone. “We’ll be back in an hour. You know how traffic is. If anything happens, you call us and we’ll get your over to Kara’s.”

“Yeah because with pu…the kids I was going to call 911, dream on, Mom.”

“Great, Chloe,” her mom said shoving her aunt out the door before that keen reporter’s mind could notice and process her slip.

Emma sighed and set her feet up on the table. Thumbing through the TV stations, she settled on some terrible SyFy horror movie and half-dozed off in front of it. When the door opened, she expected it to be her mom and aunt with snacks, and, yeah, Jonathan owed her forever for doing this to her. She was a big, fat pregnant mess with heat vision she couldn’t even help most of the time and a craving for live seafood. Ugh, Kryptonians were so overrated sometimes.

“Great, Aunt Chloe I’m starving!”

“Did you check the fridge then?” her dad asked.

Emma sighed and opened her eyes. “Mom and Aunt Chloe went on a special run.”  


Her dad sighed and took of his cap. “Do I want to know?”

“Probably not, but I’m not thrilled with it either. The mini-litter is just very hungry and lots of protein and it’s just you know, one of those things.”

He stilled and looked hard at the stairs to the second floor and his office (Aunt Chloe liked to point out her uncle wasn’t the only one with a fortress of solitude even if Emma didn’t quite get the joke). Her dad was halfway to the first stair before he sighed and sat down next to her on the sofa instead.

“Can I get you something until then?”

“No, we’re good. It won’t hit the spot right.”

“Sure,” he said, looking to the TV. “Is that channel a little redundant considering the clusterfuck that is out lives of late?”

“I like terrible shark movies, yeesh, and not…I don’t want to fight. I have four little active guys in here kicking me all the time and I get really tired out. I definitely don’t have the energy to deal with you being snippy.”

“I’m not snippy,” her dad bit back. “I just…the day I found out your mom was pregnant was pretty much the best day ever.”

“Cool cause I’m awesome.”

“Yes and modest, that’s what’s best about you, Em. The point is I had a lot of thoughts and plans and things that would have been really good. You and like law or med school were on it. You with a nice, normal _human_ boyfriend was one of them. And you not having four kids by twenty-four was _definitely_ on that list.”

“Then I’m glad I’m the hat trick of disappointments,” she said, trying to get off the sofa but failing miserably and moving much at all. Stupid litters. “If it makes you feel better, I’m really happy most of the time.”

“Most?”

“I’m miserable when I’m here and you make me feel shitty. You might have noticed how much more time I’ve been spending at my apartment or with Jack-Jack’s sisters.”

“True, but I wanted a lot more for you Emma.”

“You know, if it weren’t slightly crazy.”

“It’s so much batshit that we all need strait jackets.”

“Fine, if it weren’t…I mean Uncle Clark’s pretty cool. He’s got street cred; hell, don’t get Uncle Mike started. It’s not like they’re part serial killer!”

Her dad snorted. “With your lack of judgment, I should count my blessings.”

“I don’t want to do this. I’m tired, the wedding---for which you are so shaving and cutting your damn hair---is in a week and I just want you to be excited. Mom’s excited!”

“Your mother gets excited about everything,” he said kissing the top of her head. Emma was short and she kind of resented that. Compared to Jack-Jack, his sisters, or her Dad she was just kind of shrimpy. “You could always back out.”  


She snorted and rubbed her stomach. “I’m kind of committed now and basically have been since I was like six. You know, they’ll get here and you’ll like them and it’ll be fine.”

“I won’t like them,” he said, standing up and starting to the stairs. “I won’t like them because I did a lot of really stupid things that got us here and indulging you and your mom were one and two on that list. Things could have been a lot more… _anything_ but this and I just wish they were.”

“Fine, then have fun in your office,” she said, leaning back in the cushions. “Mom and Aunt Chloe are excited and they’ll be back and it’ll be fine without you.” She shrugged and flicked through some other stations; maybe some bad reality TV would hit the spot instead. “You’ll still hear them though, so I hope that keeps you distracted. You’d have earned it.”

“I earned a lot of things,” he grumbled heading on up.

Emma sighed and stroked her side. “Maybe we won’t tell grandpa anything until you’re out of college. That might be even jumping the gun a little, guys.”

“I heard that!” her father called from upstairs.

“I know!” she finished, curling up as best as she could on the couch and settling for Animal Planet. Holding the pillow tightly to her chest, but not too much. It would explode after all, stupid strength. “I really hate you,” she whispered, even if it wasn’t true.


End file.
